04.22.08
Table Talk
This past weekend I went back to Kansas City to catch up with friends and family, and celebrate my first Passover in the US since 2003. On my first day back in town I went out for sushi (which is now as American as a ham sandwich) with my dad, one of my brothers, and three of my dad’s friends. All of the guests were people whom I haven’t seen to much of for the past four or five years, and I was eager to catch up, even if only for the duration of the lunch.
However, throughout the meal, I couldn’t stop thinking about one thing…the table. What was so strange about the table you might ask? Well, from an American standpoint, nothing. It was a typical rectangular table with three chairs on either side. Three of us sat on the side facing the sushi bar, and three sat on the other. As we were eating, I noticed that for the majority of the time, there were three separate conversations going on, with each person chatting with the person they were sitting across from. I was sitting on the end of the side which was not facing the sushi counter. While at times I did find myself in conversation with the my dad and my brother, who were both occupying the middle spots, I found I could only talk to my dad’s friend at the other end on the other side by shouting over the table. As for my dad’s other friend who was sitting on the same side as me, but on the other end, it was virtually impossible to communicate until we got up from the table.
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Diners at a Chinese meal typically sit around a circular table, so as to facilitate a conversation which can include everybody.
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This would never have struck me as odd, had I not ever lived in China, where the vast majority of all tables are circular.* With a circular table, all guests can see each other as they eat, making it considerably more conducive to everyone being involved in the conversation. With a rectangular table, conversation tends to be fragmented down to groups of two or three.
While I was teaching in China, I heard several strange stereotypes from my students in regards to Westerners eating habits. One of which was that Westerners don’t talk during their meals. Not only is this inaccurate, but I would argue that the most basic function of a casual meal between old friends within Western society is very much analogous to that of Chinese society. Guests enjoy tasty food and a nice atmosphere, and possibly have something to drink. However, most importantly, it is a social event, and thus communication is the centerpiece. Why then are rectangular tables so popular in the West?
*We have circular tables in the US too, but rectangular ones are far more common.
Peter
said,
April 23, 2008 at 12:30 am
Have to agree with you on that one. Circular tables are way better for conversation. At least when it comes to smaller get-togethers. On the other hand, I would argue that most of the Chinese I have eaten with could easily communicate (read: shout) at rectangular tables as well.
At our home we have a rectangular table, but I have often thought about changing this for a circular one. Not only because it is better for conversation, but because it would make better use of a swivelling table plate (that I would love to own too).
Unfortunately we don’t have enough room in our apartment. Chinese food is just better with a swivelling plate. It is easier to get all the different dishes and you don’t have to pass the food around the table. Also, it keep the interest sparked when you spot a yummy piece of food on the other side, and have to wait for a hole in the other peoples food grabbing. Adds a bit of suspense to each meal
natelie
said,
April 23, 2008 at 12:45 am
Hi, I am an college freshman in China. I major in English and my teacher ask me to find some articles about how foreigners think of chinese culture and people. I visited your blog and i find it helpful, i mean your ideas.
Life in china must be full of unexpected culture shocks, sometimes even we chinese feel awkard on some accasions.
Jeremy Yeh
said,
April 23, 2008 at 8:06 am
well,there are actually many rectangular tables in chinese restaurants,too. it mainly depends on how many ppl would eat together. if the number of ppl is less than 5, most likely a rectangular table is chosen. if there are a whole bunch of ppl, a round table would be a usual choice.
Benjamin Ross
said,
April 23, 2008 at 9:40 am
@ Jeremy Yeh
Glad you brought that up about rectangular tables in China when there are less than 5 people. I think when you have 4 people or less, it doesn’t really matter whether you have a rectangular or circular table, since with only 4 people, everybody can still see each other. But with any more than 4, the vision angles start to get really tight.
@ Peter
I’ve actually thought about getting a swivel plate, or as we call it in the US a “lazy Susan” for my apartment as well. I think these are quite practical not only for eating a meal Chinese style, but also eating one Western style as well. But more importantly, you can pass diamonds and antidote to people on the other side of the table just like Indiana Jones.
FOARP
said,
April 23, 2008 at 10:36 am
I would say that the most social element of Chinese dining is not the round tables, but the sharing of food from the same plates, the passing of food and, most of all, the toasting of one’s fellow diners. The to-and-fro of plate-passing, turn-table-turning and toasting help to fill dry spots in conversation and help break the ice with everyone who is sat at the table. I have been to several large dinners since I’ve got back – some of them events set up specially as professional networking junkets – where everyone has gone to their tables and sat in their groups for the entire length of the meal and drinks afterwards. It was only after I and a few like-minded souls got up and started going around each table to introduce ourselves (which after all was the whole point of being there – that and getting in some free booze) that people started to circulate a bit more.
However, folk over here are much more relaxed and up for mixing when it comes to drinking. Chinese in the main don’t seem happy with standing around drinking and chatting in a group, and much prefer to sit playing dice and not engaging much in the way of conversation.
Stretch Mark Mama
said,
April 23, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Oh, the beloved Lazy Susan! I’ll never forget this huge circular table we sat at in China that must have seated 12+ people. But you are right! Conversation was all-inclusive.
shamu
said,
April 25, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I concur with FOARP that it’s not the shape of the table. Tables being rectangular or round (I’ve dined on those at many conferences), Americans don’t seem to mingle as well as Chinese do at meal time. They redeem themselves at the bar. But ask any Chinese, and you’ll find they hate alcohol without accompanying dishes (白嘴喝酒) as much as they hate the stinky cheese.
Tora
said,
April 25, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Sushi as American as a ham sandwich? I hate to be the one that breaks it to you but the sandwich (from wiki) “was named after John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, an 18th-century English aristocrat, although he was neither the inventor nor sustainer of the food. It is said that Lord Sandwich was fond of this form of food because it allowed him to continue playing cards, particularly cribbage, while eating without getting his cards greasy from eating meat with his bare hands.”
As for table conversation, I agree on that front. Eating with a large group of people in China is so much more social and inclusive that I really find myself missing it when I’m in a group, though I thought more about sharing dishes and didn’t even consider the effects the round tables had on conversation.
danjo
said,
May 13, 2008 at 9:59 am
Funny you mention the stereotype that Westerners don’t like to talk when we eat. I have heard this countless times from Chinese students, and I have no idea where they get it from.
Seektruthfromfacts
said,
May 21, 2008 at 1:30 pm
According to your account, don’t circular tables lead to less conversation?
Rectangular: “I noticed that for the majority of the time, there were three separate conversations going on,”
Circular: “considerably more conducive to everyone being involved in the conversation.”
I count three conversations versus one.
Actually, I think this is closely related to underlying differences in communication. To make some big, ugly generalizations:
- Chinese culture values high context communication. So by eating/talking together, you show the group’s harmony. FOARP has it right (again!), because it is the food that does a lot of the communicating. At a work dinner, a lot of time is sometimes spent listening to the boss/honoured guest whether or not he’s got something worthwhile to say.
- Western cultures value low context communication. So it is more important to have informative arguments. It could be argued that this is easier with the smaller conversations of rectangular tables (more focused conversations). However, I suspect it’s the case that without the social pressures imposed by Chinese culture, Westerners never upgraded by the simpler rectangular construction method.
(Credit to Edward Hall for the key idea here)
Obviously the preference for shared vs individual dishes is also a factor.