Comments on: Midwesterner in the Sun Kingdom (Part 2): Banned in Japan

By: buu

buu — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 19:25:21 +0000

I completely sympathize with your experience, especially since you were a traveller in a foreign land. But as a Japanese-American living the past 7 years in Tokyo, I can see how this can happen – even in a country where politeness is paramount. It seems like you had the misfortune of running into a stubborn “oyaji” who had a bad day or maybe had been burned before by hostel guests. Or he was just an a-hole, period.

I agree with Jeff, Jason, and Handan. The best way to avoid a confrontation in Japan when one party feels like it has been wronged is to bow and apologize profusely. Formalities like that are important. The owner had a bone to pick because you did not pay (even though you had your reasons), and the situation escalated because he perceived you as not being sincere since you were making demands and (what he thought were) excuses. The money for the stay and the money for the internet were irrelevant; the fact that you did not show contriteness fed into his anger.

While the hostel owner’s behavior is unacceptable in my opinion, endeavoring to appear apologetic in such situations go a long way in Japan.

By: Handan

Handan — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 07:37:03 +0000

Ben, I understand your anger, but can also see why the owner was acting that way. First, if he hasn’t been in a situation where he’s leaving a faraway country with a lot of cash that he won’t need in years and is hard to convert, it’s natural that he thought your paying plan a fishy one. Then, he didn’t know how exhausted you were and how unwilling you were to go to the subway station again. He’s also unlikely to feel your difficulty of converting RMB into Yen, cuz he’s not a Caucasian stranger to this country. All reason for suspicion.

The biggist problem, though, as I see it, is you were not for once agreeing with his suggestion. You were always arguing for something different and never said sorry for disagreeing with him.

He is the boss. Of the place, of the girl. He needed face and you gave him none. Recipe for not getting your demands met.

I currently work in a Chinese bureaucracy, where the only way to get yourself heard is FIRST to give enough face to the boss you’re talking to. No amount of good reasoning can substitute the preluding face-saving warm-up in any conversation here.

By: Peter

Peter — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:54:45 +0000

This year was my first time in Tokyo and I stayed within walking distance of Shinjuku station. Yeah, it can get pretty confusing with the JR train and the regular lines. I agree with you it’s easy if you are on the same train and just leave from station to station. Well, at least you can now be a tour guide for the area.
As to the Japanese man, I think if you could’ve faked a sincere apology, he could’ve been bent just a bit.

By: Lawrence

Lawrence — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:28:57 +0000

Well, I think that’s the difference between Chinese and Japanese. In China, people are used to various excuses and normally people think about “reasons” more than “rules”. In other words, if you break an appointment in China, you are easily forgiven by giving a reasonable reason. But in Japan, they kick your ass no matter how you explain.

By: James

James — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 16:03:31 +0000

I agree with the hostel owner. He’s probably seen and heard every lame excuse for not paying. He was providing you with a service, and you were refusing to pay when you easily could have and created a whole ordeal so he just likely decided to give you the gears. Ben, I enjoy your writing but you need to grow up and shelve the misplaced sense of entitlement that everything should be done your way.

By: fred

fred — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 22:33:22 +0000

Boy! You’re stupid. I agree with the Japanese manager.

By: sam

sam — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:58:34 +0000

sorry again for leaving out “not” after the word “have” in the second line.

By: sam

sam — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:57:01 +0000

surely you know who i am judging from my email address.
sorry that i have checked your blog for quite some time now
you know, i really like your stories, and esp. the one that records your trip in japan with money problem.
how is everything now? and have you got any plans, say, about work,or something else?
please remember update my email address to this one.

best regards

By: Jason

Jason — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 01:59:32 +0000

Alright, this guy seems like an ass, and so I preface this statement with “I would never do this out of my pride alone…” But…apologize, apologize, apologize. It gets you everywhere in Japan. My experience in China is that this is also true…to some extant. A very small extant. And by that I mean it doesn’t really get you anywhere. It may patch up hostilities, but it won’t cut that red tape. When I was in Japan though, apologizing, and yes, bowing, made a really big difference when trying to sway people. I rarely used the power of the bow, but when I did, it worked.

By: bernake

bernake — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 11:32:34 +0000

I think the owner of this hostel was too harsh in his assessment of the situation. But I think you could have handled it in a better way. I think the person that you were dealing with is one of those no-nonsense kind of guy. You do your part and he will do his part. Obviously in your intention was not to scam him. However, you were at fault at the start with when you could not pay him after you promised him. He doesn’t know you from Adam, so I can’t fault him completely for being a bit suspicious. He did way overreacted to the situation which makes him a jerk.

The final analysis is that you do need to accept some of the blame in this dispute although I would say that most of the blame goes to the hostel owner.