08.17.07
Future Plans
Life is all about decisions and coming to China was possibly the most influential decision I have ever made in my life.
After I graduated college, I was ready for a new mind-expanding experience. Unlike most of my peers, I had not spent a semester or year abroad, but felt that living abroad was an experience everyone should endure if possible. The main reason I wanted to go abroad was to experience life in a completely different culture, different customs, different food, and different language. With this in mind, I focused my plans on developing countries. With 5 years of French under my belt, I scowered the Internet for English teaching jobs in Francophone Africa. The search was to no avail, but through some stroke of luck I saw an advertisement to teach English in China in a local newspaper.
Growing up I had little interest in China. I knew no Chinese. I was not interested in martial arts. I had no close Chinese friends or acquaintances. The closest I had ever been to China was the $5.99 all-you-can-eat King Buffet in Lawrence, KS. But somehow going to China just felt right, and I knew going would be a decision I would not regret.
When I first came to China, I signed a 5 month contract. I figured I would sign on for a semester, and then if I really liked it, do a whole year, travel to Tibet in the summer, and then go back home. That was back in spring of 2004. Like most of us who come to China for 5 months but stay for 3 years, China became grew to become an inseparable part of my life.
As much as I enjoy my life in China, I have never wanted to make China my full time home. However, the longer I stay here, the more it feels as such. This has also in many ways left me somewhat alienated from my life back in the United States. 3 years of missing close friend’s weddings, losing touch with family, and finding your personal style pathetically behind the times takes its toll on the individual.
Next week I will be flying back to Kansas City. My ticket is one way, and though I am currently entertaining several options to come back to China, I will also strongly be considering focusing my job search in the United States, likely in Chicago. The decision to go back was based on many factors, and I have been thinking about it for several months. I am not one for drawn-out goodbyes, so I didn’t start mentioning it (outside of close friends) until the past week or two, so that I could try to live out my last month in China as normal as possible.
Coming to China was a decision I made on a whim, and turned out to be one of the most positive decisions in my life. The longer I am here, the more difficult it becomes to leave my Chinese life and return to my American one. I have been spending the past year planning for the right time to go back home and finally came to the realization there never will be the perfect time. There will always be more Chinese to study, more traveling to do, more food to eat, more friends to make, more TV programs to appear on, and more unique experiences which would be unattainable in my home country.
I plan to keep this blog going while I am in the US, but as to which direction, it is still too early to tell. I have a large backlog of articles which I have not posted yet, and I’m also anticipating reentry to be an experience itself. Also of note, I will be spending 2.5 days in Japan on my way back to the US.
To everyone who has kept up with this blog, thanks for your support. This is by no means the end, just a new chapter.
Jeremy
said,
August 17, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Hi Ben,
Congrats on making the decision to go back home – though you might make your way back out here someday.
Nice accounting of your experiences here.
Since I’ve been away from home for 3 years too (and interact more and more with just locals, not foreigners), it would be good to hear about your re-adjustments / reverse culture shock with going back to the States.
Jason
said,
August 17, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Wow man, from your blog, I totally thought you were a lifer. Er…really-long-timer.
Good luck!
羲
said,
August 17, 2007 at 5:37 pm
I will come to your blog as often
Justin
said,
August 17, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Hey Ben,
I’ve been a silent reader for a couple months now, having stumbled on your blog via Sinosplice when John mentioned your little adventure in the barbershop. I’ve actually found myself in a pretty similar situation to yourself – having extended a planned 4-month stay in Asia (Japan) to a still ongoing 2-year experience.
Anyways, I imagine your 2.5-day stopover will be in Tokyo, but if you happen to make it down to Kyoto/Osaka feel free to give me a holler. I work fairly late on weekdays but could probably show you an interesting spot or two if you’ve got the time
J~
canrun
said,
August 17, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Wow. That’s odd. Never saw that one coming!
canrun
said,
August 17, 2007 at 7:37 pm
@ Justin:
My best friend from China (American) now has an English school in Osaka. Any interest in touching base with him?
Dan
said,
August 17, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Good luck mate.
I actually originally went to China for a month-long holiday, but ended up staying a couple of years. However, after much reflection, I returned home to the UK last year. My decision was mainly based on the fact that there are no long term job propects for foreign graduates in china and so had a find a long-term career and be boring (I’m now an accountant!). Not sure whether you have been motivated to return home by similar considerations.
Anyway as a fellow MOT (member of the tribe – not sure whether you americans use a simailar term as us Brits) good luck.
Alan
said,
August 17, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Best wishes for your new plan in the States. I envy you to a certain extent. You are still young and have a few more years to experience life before even hitting your 30-year old mark. Take time to figure out what you want to do. If you enjoy what you do, you will never work for a day.
DL
said,
August 17, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Interestingly, I too have a one-way ticket back to the US next week. This is after a year here in China. When I first made the decision to come to China, it was with the intent of of staying at least for a few years. However, for similar reasons as yourself, I recently made the decision to move back. It wasn’t an easy decision as so many people in the US have a fascination with China and are enviable of our positions. And you’re left wondering “am I missing out by going back now?” In any case, I do intend to keep China as a part of my life and career. I’m sure our experiences here are and will continue to be valuable in the future. How, I can’t really say at this time. Best wishes in your journey forward.
p.s. Like Justin above, I found your through John referencing your barbershop project.
lilyth
said,
August 17, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I’ve been a silence reader to read all your blogs. As a laowai, you’ve presented normal lives of China to the world in your blogs which have attracted more and more people. I really love them.
It’s a pity that you are leaving.
Anyway, good luck to you, Xian Ben!
harrison said,
August 17, 2007 at 11:06 pm
I would not have seen that coming either since you just started to do that tv show. I have been reading your blog only in the last four months and it is quite entertaning. I am at the opposite crossroads, as you. I have been away from China for three years and plan to return to Beijing in January to study Chinese in the fall 08 semester. I look forward to hearing about your readjustment to American life.
Law Office of Todd L. Platek
said,
August 18, 2007 at 1:16 am
Ben, Just go with it. You’ll be back. Don’t be surprised if you have flashbacks. You’ll smell something in the US, and your mind will trigger sensations of China, and for a moment it tricks you into thinking you are walking down a street in Fuzhou. That’s when you know China never left you.
Howard Lee
said,
August 18, 2007 at 1:20 am
Thank you for all your insights from living in China. You will be missed.
Texas in Shanghai,
Howard
Benjamin Ross
said,
August 18, 2007 at 1:26 am
@ canrun and harrison, et al
Actually, I knew before I started the TV show I was probably leaving. I mentioned it to the producer before we started the show, and he said it was ok, we could start the show and then if I left, they would figure things out afterword. My blog has actually been a little retroactive, so I have been doing the show now for about a month, and it’s on every day, so we’ve already got around 30 episodes behind our belts. Doing the TV show has been an excellent experience, and a great Chinese workout, so it will be quite sad to leave it.
One thing though is that I plan to always have China as part of my life. When I tell my Chinese friends I am leaving, most of their first responses are “Are you EVER going to come back?” To this I tell them that I could never imagine not ever coming back. China is now an inseparable part of who I am, and I know I would never feel right if I just left without coming back.
Part of my decision to leave was based on the advice of my good friend Frank who lived in Fuzhou for 5 years, and now is back in California. We took a trip together earlier this summer when I was still pondering whether I would stay or go. I have been seriously thinking about going back to the US for the last 6 months or so, mainly for the reasons listed in the post. However, there was always something keeping me in China. I asked Frank how he knew when it was time to leave and his response was “It’s never the right time to leave. There are always new opportunities and new reasons coming up. Sometimes you just have to decide it is time to go back.” Thinking about this, it really made total sense. I do not think I will ever reach a point where I am definitively ready to leave China. On the contrary, the longer I am here, the more my life here makes sense. At the same time, going home last summer reminded me how much I love living in the United States as well, and living in China has given me a new level of appreciation for the life we live back home.
My life in China is by no means over, and I am quite sure I will be back at some point in my life/career again on a long-term basis. I plan to look for jobs in the US which deal in some way with China, in the hope that at very least I can get sent over here a few times a year on business trips. In the meantime, I plan to keep on blogging. Going back to the US will give me a rare chance to view American culture as somewhat of an outsider…an outsider in the sense that I haven’t lived full-time in the US since 2004. Visiting new places always changes the way you look at the place where you have come from, and I am interested to see if my view about America and Americans changes during my re-entry. I also plan to try to integrate myself as much as possible into local Chinese communities, to get a taste of Chinese life in the diaspora. I’ll do my best to keep everybody posted.
Emil
said,
August 18, 2007 at 7:50 am
What about your girlfriend?
Dident you have a chinese girlfriend? What is her reactions?
Yu
said,
August 18, 2007 at 9:09 am
For those of us still in China and trying to figure out that same question related to if and when we will return to the US, hearing your experiences in returning will be enlightening.
Lisa
said,
August 18, 2007 at 9:21 am
I was in China for such a piddly short time, but it still hasn’t left me. My first thought upon landing in O’Hare was “Where are all the Asians? And what is with all these different colors of hair?”
I am certain that the few Asians I see around town think I am nuts, as I am always Really Glad to see them.
You will always have a connection to the workers at Every Chinese Restaurant, who “all” come from Fuzhou
. And maybe you can live in Chinatown. Yes, that would be nice now wouldn’t it. 
Benjamin Ross
said,
August 18, 2007 at 9:46 am
@ Emil
The girlfriend and I split up about three months ago, so it really was a non-issue in the decision.
chriswaugh_bj
said,
August 18, 2007 at 10:55 am
Wow, I’m surprised. But good luck, I’ll be really interested in reading about your re-entry.
Me, I washed up in China back in October 1999 planning to stay one year. Since then I’ve only been back to NZ once, and that was back in 2002….. I dunno, man, I can’t imagine how huge the reverse culture shock will be when I eventually take the wife back to that homeland of mine I can hardly remember. So yeah, I’ll be really interested to read about your re-entry to America.
Jeff
said,
August 18, 2007 at 12:43 pm
“It’s never the right time to leave. There are always new opportunities and new reasons coming up. Sometimes you just have to decide it is time to go back.”
So true…
Mark
said,
August 18, 2007 at 4:47 pm
You’re right about the perfect time to leave. It’s like having two glasses and only one is full at a time- you can never have a life here and there as well. I haven’t been back for two years, but it’s all good. Life is what you make it and home can be anywhere. Peace dude- I hope the Wild West treats you right.
Chris
said,
August 18, 2007 at 9:31 pm
I just did the the one way trip back to the United States myself. Good luck to you, and I look forward to your further adventures.
Jenn
said,
August 18, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Me too. China really seems to fit some expats and not others. You are a person that it really seems to fit. I hope that makes sense. Good luck with the job search and if you are ever in the Boston area for any reason, shoot me an email and I’ll show you around. I also think our new place has a spare room!
joyce
said,
August 18, 2007 at 10:04 pm
u r leaving soon..good luck~
btr
said,
August 19, 2007 at 12:26 am
I have been following your blogs for a while and really enjoyed it.
I’ve been Lawrence, KS and Shanghai, but never Fuzhou, FJ. However, my birth place was also called Fuzhou:-) in the neighboring province.
Best wishes for comming back to the States!
btr
Arlene
said,
August 19, 2007 at 12:35 am
It was last week i guess. accidentally i interviewed another friend of u.
therefore i got the news of ur going back home. in recent days, i was drawend by work and interviews. so there is no time to visit ur blog. and i pick all of them up in 2 hours today. on top of it , i saw this official farewell artical. Emma’s leaving always reminds me of the fact that those foreign friends i encounter will leave sooner or later since most of them r here searching for a different lifestyle and culture. anyway, life should follow what u think is right. so good luck, man.
Don Allison
said,
August 19, 2007 at 12:49 am
Good for you. You’ll do well in the U.S., being a bit of a peacock and all. I, too, came upon your blog by chance and enjoyed what little information there was between the self-aggrandizement diatribes and beast-thumping. I’m still amazed that you didn’t give that little Chinese teller back her money when you knew it was an honest mistake at her end and it would probably have cost her either her position or salary. Personally, I couldn’t live with myself, and would have sold my skull cap.
Benjamin Ross
said,
August 19, 2007 at 1:30 am
Don-
Where do you live? I’d love to meet up for coffee sometime…on me…whataya say?
Don Allison
said,
August 19, 2007 at 2:01 am
Ben…sad…your blood boils with my comments to the point where all you can mutter are idle threats, yet your soul is not tormented by your greedy treatment of that little Chinese Teller who made an honest mistake. Oh, I’m in the phone book in Halifax, N.S., Canada. And please do come and pay my redneck brothers and me a visit. We’d love to take you to a good Irish/Catholic Mass at St. Michael’s.
Don Allison
said,
August 19, 2007 at 9:41 am
Ben: Another thought struck me; something by a chap named John Donne: “…send not to know for Whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” That’s what’s so sad about your behaviors and morals, young man. You’re a testament to so many things wrong today in this melting pot we live. (Oh, and on a lighter note, did you hear about a guy named Ben from Kansas. A fellow approached him recently in Shanghai and told him rather frankly that the only men who came from Kansas were either steers or queers, and that he didn’t see any horns growing from Ben’s noggin. Go figure.) Be well, mi sad little amigo.
canrun
said,
August 19, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Wow. What a nice guy…
Jesper
said,
August 19, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Ben,
Respect and best wishes!
I was in the same situation about 1.5 years ago and left China after 5 years. There is never a perfect time to leave, but there is a time to leave and as a long time follower of the blog, I would agree now seems good enough!
A piece of advice, do not think of it as US vs China, or that your US job needs to have something to with China or else. Sometimes is best to leave a love aside for a moment only to find it grows stronger.
home is the sailor, home from the sea
Dan
said,
August 19, 2007 at 3:55 pm
oh my god!! who is this evil, redneck Don Allison bloke that’s infiltrated this blog. Let’s find out where he lives and give him a good beating…..English style!
James Chiang
said,
August 20, 2007 at 9:02 am
大本，请慢走，欢迎下次再光临中国！
同时希望从你的新博客里了解更多美国的情况，再见。
sarah
said,
August 20, 2007 at 11:07 am
wish you happy wherever you go
Jet So
said,
August 20, 2007 at 11:24 am
Enjoy your time back in Kansas. If you do find that nice overseas Chinese community in Kansas City, chances are you’ll need to brush up on your Cantonese as oppose to conversing in your fluent Putonghua.
Maria
said,
August 20, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Ben,
A little bit sad for this news, both james and I. Indeed.
Good luck!
Hopefully, you will back to China again someday…
jeff
said,
August 20, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Ben
I once went back….I had been in China for about 3 or 4 years then and I hated it back in the states. Within 2 months I was looking for work and had returned to china within 5 months of ‘moving’ home. I have now been back almost 7 years from that point and really have no idea if/when I will ever go back.
I do think going back is in the cards….but really hard to predict that time frame. Could be next year….could be 10 more.
Good luck with everything. I suspect that even given the things you have to put up with here (like someone taking a dump outside your door) you will really miss it and find a way to come back either via work assignments or ‘permanently’
Lawrence
said,
August 21, 2007 at 12:45 am
Hey Dude,
I am gonna miss you.
Take care bro.
Larry
ZL
said,
August 21, 2007 at 5:37 am
Don, not that the little anecdote you give didn’t happen, but I think the “fellow in Shanghai” got his geography wrong, it’s only steers and queers that come from Texas (http://imdb.com/title/tt0093058/quotes). Which despite my general dislike for stereotypical Texans, I wouldn’t entirely agree with either, but I guess opinions are like assholes right….
ZL
said,
August 21, 2007 at 5:46 am
Actually, could also be Oklahoma, though less commonly used(http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/steers_and_queers/), but I digress, neither state is Kansas.
Michael Manning
said,
August 21, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I’ve never thought of you as a fellow Jew until I read the comment above… just how many Jewish American English-Language China Bloggers are there? Anyway, from one JAELCB to another, I wish you luck back in the States.
Reading your post above, it’s interesting to see that I’ve been feeling a lot of the same sentiment as you… but I’m still about a year behind you in terms of time-served (2.583 years, to be exact). Is three years the limit for a lot of China expats? For me, three years is long enough where you can confidently say, “I’ve lived in China,” and not feel like a fake.
Good luck finding the China-related US-based (and salaried) job… I’m actually looking into something along those lines myself.
BJD
said,
August 26, 2007 at 2:42 am
You’ll be back, coz in the States you’ll just be robbed or unappreciated.
Benoit
said,
September 6, 2007 at 12:49 am
Bonne Chance Ben !
I’m exactly in the same situation, back to France just 4 days ago after a long experience in China…
harry_d
said,
September 7, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Thanks for writing. I have enjoyed your blog very much.
Actually I feel a little sad, don’t know whether it is for you or for me!
Anyway, all the best.
janice
said,
September 17, 2007 at 10:40 pm
your articles are touching,good luckfor your going back to US.
The Humanaught
said,
September 18, 2007 at 6:43 pm
I don’t know how I missed this – ignored my feedreader just a tad too much over the last month. Man, glad to hear you arrived safely back in the States (and are currently missing typhoon Wipha down in Fujian).
I’m at about the same point as Michael, and starting to feel the same, so maybe there is something to that 3 year mark. We’ll see come January.
I’ve still some stuff to do here, and am going to be sticking it out whether I feel the pull at the 3-year or not, but wow… what’s next, John leaving?
janeyu
said,
February 1, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I wish you can use chinese ,becuse my english is very poor .hahaha